1. I like how you included a good description and background about yourself. It was very interesting to know that you have a full ride at Sac State.
2. This paper was very interesting to me especially the part about your English teacher being hot. I feel that you could of added another experience that shaped your literacy as well as how reading and writing will help you in and outside of college.
3. You should include examples of some books that you read and enjoyed after having class with Mrs. Smith and why those books peaked your interest.
4. Each of your paragraphs discusses only one idea, and everything in the paragraph is related to that specific idea.
5. Your beginning paragraphs about yourself are excellent and really give detail about you and how you feel about math and writing were interesting especially since i am the complete opposite. I do believe though that you should expand your fourth paragraph and elaborate on why you liked reading and writing more and focused less on why you disliked math. The following body paragraphs after that all connected together with good descriptions of how your teacher helped you. I recommend you make your thesis statement clearer though so that the reader knows exactly what you plan to talk about.
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